Melissa's Journal

2000-09-19T23:57:00.000-04:00

Melissa's Journal

You know, I used to think that I knew where I was going. But nowadays, I just feel lost. There was a time when I wanted to go to college, or at least I thought I did. I had all of these images of what the future would be like, but now I don't see anything at all. And that's scary. It's like I'm walking into a dark room, and I don't know if I'm about to walk into something, or go straight through. And even though I know I shouldn't, I always want to blame it on someone else. I know it's my fault, but I always feel like someone is trying to knock me down. When anyone tries to help, I just push them away. I don't know why I do that. I guess I'm afraid that I'll get hurt. It seems that every time I think I've got a "friend," I'm proved wrong. I'm always "stabbed in the back," as the saying goes. And then there's those "friends" that are just clueless. They think they're being a good friend, and they think they know everything about me...but they don't know me at all. They don't even try, and they don't realize what that does to me. I know that its partially my fault, because I don't like to open up, but they could at least try. I don't know. I just feel so alone. I wish I had someone to just talk to.